Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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