im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
