She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
