I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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