I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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