When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
