just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
