A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize