DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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