just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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