She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
