another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
