Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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