Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
