My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
