I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
