I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
