Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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