i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
