literally had 100 drinks last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
