Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize