You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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