Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
