My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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