I am puke
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
