were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Two words: nipple clamps
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