Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
