it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mom said you looked used
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
