There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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