make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
