I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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