This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
