my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
