I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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