i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
