We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
