So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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