naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
