Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
