my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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