i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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