Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
