come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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