I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
