there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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