I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
