my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
