um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
