I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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