I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize