it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
