Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
