just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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