did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
