You're so nebulous sometimes
This girl is more easily done than said...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
