Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
