So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That was an excessively violent trivia night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
