My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
