You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I understand Curling. That high.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
