I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
