another moral hangover. fuck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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