HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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