He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well you can't waste a boner
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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