I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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