Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
