you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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