You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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