guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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