I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
