She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
