I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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