So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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